In total in contributions $941 towards this goal
So the gap is $2059
and we are looking for places to stay in Dublin and in Safed, Israel.
I just turned 31 and I haven't seen my mom or brother in almost five years. There is a lot behind that...mainly excuses. One, being the lack of money, two, is that they are both mentally ill and them choosing to move to Israel made me feel many different feelings:
Abandonment and "Thank you! I'm free to take care of me for once!"
I finally had space as I had taken care of my mom for a long time; they were happy and then I realized that even in Israel I still had to take care of her as it was my responsibility as a daughter. My brother had a psychotic break and ended up in a hospital for a year. During that time my mom had her first mental break. This was over a year and a half ago and I felt like I was a bad daughter for not immediately getting on a plane and flying to her side. That feeling didn't go away for a long time. I got her a Social Worker, some help in the home and she and my brother both eventually got back home and on medication. I kept feeling guilty for being a bad daughter because my mom would keep asking me when I would come and see her almost every time we Face timed.
I didn't want to admit that in my mind, it was just too much. The last time I visited was right after I graduated with my Masters degree. I was working and going to school full time and instead of a vacation to celebrate it ended up being horrible. All I remember was cleaning up the kitchen and cutting up a ton of onions to cook. Just constant upkeep and not being able to say a word. That was almost five years ago now and I've let it stop me from seeing my mom. I've let it mean that the next time I see her is going to have to be the same...with me cleaning and cooking and taking care of her, where nothing changes. And I realize now that I was terrified of that, of going into that environment again and feeling unsafe. As I was also verbally abused by both of them (not intentionally as they are kind...when not crazy).
When I started this campaign, I didn't understand how to utilize it. I didn't even really want to. I've had to earn everything I've gotten and I'm so used to feeling alone that I was creating that. I was making this hard. I take responsibility for that.
This platform is creating the opportunity for the possibility to physically show my mom love and affinity standing in May of 2020 where I am envisioning her as being out of the hospital (as she has this past week had another psychotic break), back on the medication, and is having fun with my boyfriend and I on an awesome adventure filled vacation.
Additionally, my boyfriend and I, on the way back from Israel, want to go somewhere we have never been to create fun and adventure as we have never gone away just the two of us. This is what I want. Who wouldn't want to see their mom and go on vacation? Just imagine what it would be like to not see someone you love dearly for years and to realize that it is all possible and to forgive yourself for taking care of yourself and doing nothing wrong.
All that is needed to occur is creativity, bold communication and partnership.
I have multiple requests regarding this trip as it is not just about the money (example: If you know of a place to stay in or have a place to stay in Safed, Israel or Dublin) please contact me. It's about getting there, having fun with my family and sharing love and adventure. For right now though, I will simply ask, how much can you contribute?
Thank you for reading this and sharing in the love of family, connection and adventure.
This number currently says $60
The actual number is $771 YAY!
The gap is $2229
Whoot! Getting closer!
I'm also a professional editor (everything from resumes to fellowship applications) and organizer and am willing to work for this money! Any assistance is appreciated! Message me.
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