Help Me Expose the Wolf in Dad's Clothing

Help Me Expose the Wolf in Dad's Clothing

From Val Henschen

**Please read MORE INFO at the bottom of the page to begin the story** I’m raising money for attorney fees & other legal expenses so I can KEEP fighting to protect my kids.

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Update #3

8 days ago

Now that I have your attention :) (Cool picture, right?!)

I've just received a response to my request for a payment plan. The good news is they are willing to work with me. The bad news is, the amount I need up front is still well over what I have available.

I've updated the fundraising goal to reflect my immediate need by Wednesday morning. Every little bit counts. Some of the things I am doing to create more available funds:

1. Skipping my morning coffee - $25 per week
2. Avoid the toll roads - $40 per month
3. Cut back on the grocery bill - $100 per month
4. Cancel subscriptions - $60 per month

There may even be more funds to reallocate, but $225 is a great start!

Will you please help me by doing the same? Would you be willing to skip gourmet coffee for a week and make it at home? Could you contribute $25 this week? Could you do that ongoing for a while?

Would you consider cancelling your subscription to Apple Music for just a bit? $15 a month for just a few months will make a world of difference.

What other suggestions do you have? Is there another option I am not thinking of that I should look into to reallocate?

I appreciate you all spreading the word for me. I appreciate your support. Please keep us in your thoughts and your prayers. And if you happen to have a bit of pixie dust left that you can sprinkle in my direction, I promise it will go to good use. :)

More Info

 “Watch out for false prophets.  They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly, they are ferocious wolves.”  Matthew 7:15

I have thought extensively about what to write in order to help you all understand why I am reaching out to you today.  Primarily, I am going to ask you to help with my attorney fees.  Why?  Not because I need a divorce, or because one of my babies is sick, not even a health condition for my husband or myself.  No, it’s none of those things.  I’ll be asking for you to help with attorney fees for something far less common…  Full custody of my children 7 years after my divorce.

You’re probably asking yourself “Why now?  What’s changed?”  In truth, nothing.  In truth, everything.  You see, my ex-husband was described by our marriage counselor as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  NPD.  In 2010, I had no idea what that meant.  When we separated in 2011, I had no idea what that meant.  In 2012, when we divorced, I had no idea what that meant.  And in August 2018, where our story picks back up, I had no idea what that meant.

Please… do not hold my children responsible for my shortcomings.

You see, during that 8-year period, I was myopically focused on “keeping the peace.”  If my children were happy and healthy, I did not care that I was going out of my way to carry the parenting load.  It didn't matter that I had to rearrange my life for them to be where they needed to be, so long as they did not feel one ounce of disappointment.  And I let the verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse that I had become so accustomed to continue.  And why not?  Being berated was all I knew.

But that all changed the day my ex-husband ignored my wishes and insisted that our children be allowed to wait at my home - with no adults home - to wait for pick-up 60-90 minutes later.  Never mind that my home was in a rural community where neighbors were scarce, internet was sketchy, and cell phones were hit or miss.

It was at this point that I realized this man would NEVER put his children's needs and well-being above his own.  He would always come first.  And money... a close second.

Luckily, I was able to stop this madness from happening.  But how long will I be so lucky?  I have more stories to share, but in order to for these to remain stories and not predictions, I need to finish what I started.

Friends, we are so close to the end.  But I've exhausted all of my disposable income.  My husband is trying to find work, but for now, I am a single income.  I pledge to you to share updates as they come, even if they are not so pleasant.  Please, if you feel called to help us, we appreciate any help you can provide.  And please share our story 

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Help Val raise $9,380 by making a donation.

Val Henschen posted a new update:
8 days ago

Update #3

Now that I have your attention :) (Cool picture, right?!)

I've just received a response to my request for a payment plan. The good news is they are willing to work with me. The bad news is, the amount I need up front is still well over what I have available.

I've updated the fundraising goal to reflect my immediate need by Wednesday morning. Every little bit counts. Some of the things I am doing to create more available funds:

1. Skipping my morning coffee - $25 per week
2. Avoid the toll roads - $40 per month
3. Cut back on the grocery bill - $100 per month
4. Cancel subscriptions - $60 per month

There may even be more funds to reallocate, but $225 is a great start!

Will you please help me by doing the same? Would you be willing to skip gourmet coffee for a week and make it at home? Could you contribute $25 this week? Could you do that ongoing for a while?

Would you consider cancelling your subscription to Apple Music for just a bit? $15 a month for just a few months will make a world of difference.

What other suggestions do you have? Is there another option I am not thinking of that I should look into to reallocate?

I appreciate you all spreading the word for me. I appreciate your support. Please keep us in your thoughts and your prayers. And if you happen to have a bit of pixie dust left that you can sprinkle in my direction, I promise it will go to good use. :)

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Val Henschen posted a new update:
9 days ago

Update #2

I want to tell you a story. This is a story of a young girl who walked into the kitchen one afternoon to see her Mom cowering against the cabinets on the kitchen floor. Crying. Her Mom was covering her face and head and begging her Dad to stop. Later that afternoon, she described the incident with sheer indifference… “Daddy hit Mommy, again.”

Next, she is in her Dad’s car as he is returning her to her Mom. From inside the car she hears her Dad scream, “STUPID FUCKING CUNT.”

Later, she is in her Mom's car after being picked up from her Dad's to go to a softball game. Dad was home, but Mom was taking her.

More memories like that came flooding back: Her brother needed diapers? New shoes? Doctor appointments. Teeth cleanings. School registration. Sick days. Mom to the rescue. But it wasn’t a rescue. Her Mom was supposed to do all these things. Not her Dad. But he was a good Dad, right?

For years, her Dad and stepmom joined in set unrealistic expectations of her Mom. They would leave the room to loudly criticize, belittle degrade. Eventually graduating from from opinions of character to exaggerations of events. The young girl knew the stories her Dad and stepmom told weren’t true. But they were so convincing. She felt like what she knew as real was all in her head. She felt like she was going crazy.

More time passes and the little girl began to take on more responsibility around her Dad’s house. She cooked, vacuumed, washed cabinets, did the laundry – hers and her brothers. Of course, she kept her room clean, but also her brother’s room. You see, her Dad couldn’t force her Mom to manage all the parenting responsibilities 100% of the time. He had to put them somewhere. Who better than the doppelganger? The prodigal daughter. Her Dad was smart about it though. The responsibilities were repackaged as “chores” and her punishment was exclusion from extracurriculars. Two birds. She began anticipating. She cleaned top to bottom before games. This was her first realization that she was I walking on eggshells.
As she got older, she noticed her Dad’s moods becoming more melancholy… She had been trained to feed his ego for years. She knew what needed to be done. But she couldn’t do it. You see, she was supposed to be fully under his control. But still… she did not see her Mom the way he wanted her to. So, instead, the young girl chose not to respond. Then, she began to shut down. She began getting in trouble for things. Things she did. Things she didn’t do. Things she said. Things she didn’t say. Reality be damned.

Her Mom noticed. Her Mom tried to find out what was wrong. The young girl said nothing. Her Mom knew it was a lie, she left her daughter alone about it. The young girl didn’t finally admit to all that had been going on until one day when her Mom came to her door and said “Hey, I need you to lay off your brother a bit. I think he’s having a hard time with everything that’s going on.” She looked at her with tear-filled eyes and asked, “What about me??” Her Mom asked, “What about you?” The tears started to fall, and I said, “When do I get to stop walking on eggshells?!”

Do you see this young girl? Her corrupted, depleted, broken soul; carrying his responsibilities, carrying his insecurities, carrying his hate – just a shell of a human… left to wither away…

Do you see her? I want you to picture that young girl.

Now imagine she's eleven.

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Val Henschen posted a new update:
11 days ago

Update #1

Earlier this week, I received an email from my attorney's office. I eagerly opened the attachment, as I was anticipating a response to my proposal for our next court date.

All the air was sucked out of me as I read the words:
"...a substantial balance of $9,379.69...
...maintain a positive balance...
...requiring you to pay in full...
,,,withdraw from this matter..."

My mind was racing. I checked my notes. I JUST paid FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS. I knew I was carrying a balance, but how did it get that high again so quickly?! I ran through the numbers in my head. Silently (and not so silently) cursing the GAL.

The GAL had been appointed to represent my children since January. It was her job to determine what was in the best interest for them. Since that time I met with her 3 times, my ex... I lost count. She spoke to us alone. She spoke to us with the kids. She spoke to just the kids. She was engaged in disputes related to the children as they occurred...

Since January, I've been paying for the time of two attorneys. Couple that with the fact that my ex-husband has had NO hesitation funneling one ridiculous accusation after another that I have had to respond to... my attorney has had her work cut out for her.

But $9,000 in less than a week? How is that even possible? She knows I am the sole provider of my household... She knows I pay for all of my children's expenses... She knows my ex-husband will invent imaginary loopholes to avoid reimbursing me for anything...

She also knows I have a strong case! And that when this is all said and done, my ex-husband owes me close to $50,000 (and climbing). Not to mention, there is a good chance he will need to reimburse my attorney fees.

I responded to the email immediately. I was calm, professional, anxious. I referenced my previous $4,000 payment of just two months past, acknowledged that it did not satisfy the balance, and pointed out that a previous conversation left me with the impression that as long as I was making payments, I would be ok.

I reminded my attorney that I am the only income and that my ex provides the bare minimum. I referenced the continuations in a hope that she recognized this balance was due to my ex and the GAL dragging things out as opposed to me filing motion after motion. I indicated that I would definitely be regretful if she needed to withdraw, but I understood.

Friends, this is her job. My case shouldn't be this difficult. But when you are dealing with a narcissist, their primary goal is to win. At all costs. I took my relationship with my attorney for granted.

I've reached out and asked if it is possible to develop a more structured payment plan. I have also asked if there was an opportunity for more limited scope work. She is preparing for trial this week (not mine), so I am not expecting an immediate response.

Friends, if you can help - PLEASE DO SO! This woman understands my ex-husband. She anticipates his tactics and sees through his deception. I can't start over. Not at this point. We are so close.

Please, donate what you can. Please become a supporter of my campaign. And please spread the word.

God bless.

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