So I know that there has been an outcry lately about victim blaming. But what happens when the "victim" is really just out to make some easy money? This is what happened to my boyfriend, a somewhat innocent guy who made a stupid mistake and will pay for the rest of his life in every way possible because of it. His is the story of "rape" from the view of a so-called "rapist." In this narrative, I'll call my boyfriend John. And the dumb, money-grubbing, sorry excuse for a human being can be called TwoFace.
First off, this isn't an excuse, but this IS where the story begins. John has severe ADHD and OCD. He had been prescribed Adderall for over a decade, when his workplace's insurance decided to cut off his financing for the medication which had helped him and everyone around him cope with his crazy brain for so many years. John wasn't being paid very much, so he was forced to quit Adderall cold-turkey and began to suffer withdrawal symptoms. At this point, we were roommates and not dating. He was ALL over the place and I wanted to strangle him. So did his co-workers.
In an attempt to keep his sanity and ours, John turned to drinking, which was a bad idea because he was a bartender at the hotel he worked at. He began to drink patrons' leftovers while at work to quiet his brain and actually function. Unfortunately, the liquor quieted his brain too much on one fateful day.
John noticed TwoFace immediately when she came into the bar. She had a sad and lonely aura, and he felt sorry for her. He's the kind of person who would do anything to make someone smile. That's why I ended up falling for him. But anyway. TwoFace began to tell him the story of her life for FOUR HOURS. You can see it on the security cameras. She talked about her daughter, about how horribly men had treated her, about how lonely she was, and about wanting to relax before her friend's wedding the next day. Drink after drink, she stayed and talked with John, until she began making passes at him. She wanted him to sit and talk after his shift, or go with her to her room. John, being a semi- responsible worker, told TwoFace that it was against hotel policy to socialize with clients in the hotel.
Once John's shift had ended, he took a final look at her sitting alone at the bar and decided that he'd try to cheer her up. He had a co-worker make a key to TwoFace's room so that he could drop off a brochure with nearby restaurants & his phone number so that they could connect later.
Having been a bellman previously, John fell back into the standard protocol for visiting a client's room. He planned to knock 3 times, then enter. But on the second knock, John unexpectedly heard a voice tell him to come in. He did. TwoFace had left the bar already, and was sitting waiting on her bed!
The two of them flirted a bit, made out, and then John performed fellatio on TwoFace, asking her every step of the way whether it was okay to continue. She said yes. And came. Multiple times. John had previously decided that he would please her, not himself. He never touched his own privates even once. After finishing the fellatio, John moved back up to kiss TwoFace again, and she told him that he should go. He helped her back into her pants and left, feeling as if he'd done a good deed.
The next day, John's world fell apart. TwoFace had apparently "forgotten" the whole night and accused him of DRUGGING her with GHB and RAPING HER! Oddly enough, TwoFace declined both a rape kit and a drug test, but continued her accusations. She hired a lawyer and decided to sue John's workplace, claiming all the while that she wouldn't pursue John - it was a matter of wanting recompense for the hotel's lack off security.
And then she got the media involved.
EVERY news channel and paper ran her story, without once verifying with John. They accused him of awful things which he hadn't done; even said he'd assaulted people at the hotel in the past. For the record, the "assaults" consisted of a Wet Willy to a co-worker and telling another that she was full of shit. John was crushed. After having his mother & grandmother terrify him with their stories of surviving rape - REAL rape - John had never, never thought he'd ever be put into this situation.
If TwoFace had said no, he would have stopped. If she had acted very intoxicated, he would have stopped. If she had shown discomfort in any way, HE WOULD HAVE STOPPED! Seriously. I look at him the wrong way and he goes limp. TMI? Ayway, now he was worried that he had hurt a woman in a way he had vowed never to do, plus his name had been slandered and his face was now known by everyone in the state, and probably the world. John withdrew from the world for literally almost a year. He very nearly committed suicide.
But TwoFace wasn't satisfied - she next pressed charges in a criminal trial against John.
John had obviously been fired and had literally no money, so he had no chance of hiring a lawyer. He was appointed a friendly, hugely pregnant public defender in his criminal case. She was more than willing to fight for him...until she had to take maternity leave halfway through the case. John's new lawyer was lazy and hadn't bothered to think things through or read his entire file - he recommended that John accept a plea bargain of Criminal Trespassing, with court supervision, and all other charges would be dropped.
Knowing how the media had already portrayed him, John knew his odds of actually winning. He wanted it all to be over. He accepted the deal and began court supervision with a probation officer, court mandated group therapy for sex offenders (even though he wasn't classified as one) every week at $40/week, frequent $300 polygraph tests, and still has to pay $3500 in court fees. He's also not allowed to drink alcohol & can't afford legal medication, so he's still affected by his ADHD & OCD making his brain move 1000 miles a minute. He's also got slipped discs in his back and has to live through the severe pain of that with no aid.
A few months later, things began to settle down. John thought he could begin to move on. Nope. TwoFace had won hundreds of thousands of dollars in the suit against the hotel, and now her lawyer was coming after him. Simply because he didn't like him. She already won over half a million, and now she wants the same amount from John. The lawyer is willing to settle for $40,000, as long as John pays within 10 years; otherwise he could face jail time.
John was, and still is, afraid to even try to get a job for fear that someone will google him. He obtained a part-time job and lost it within a couple months because the employer had been contacted by TwoFace's ever-watchful, constantly-harassing lawyer.
The thing is, John isn't the only one paying. TwoFace has ruined my life just as much as John's. Both of our lives have been put on hold so that she can make bank after one night of getting really good head. I'm the one who holds John when he has night terrors. I'm the one who has to talk him out of suicide when he starts thinking he might have actually hurt TwoFace, or when his back is hurting him. I'm the one who reminds him that even though most of his friends have stopped talking to him after the media coverage, there are still some of us who love him. And I'm also the one who hardly gets laid because John has trust issues now. Sorry, TMI again?
And money, of course, it's all about money. He has none. I'm his sole provider, unless his mom can shell out a little bit here and there. I claimed him on last year's taxes, and will have to again this year. I have to pay for all our food, all our entertainment, our pets, his clothes, gas, rent, etc. I'm already in massive debt from that and grad school, and now I'll be the one paying his lawyer & court fees. This new lawsuit will cost $400/month, minumum, or else John will go to jail. He begs me not to pay and he's probably going to hate me for posting this campaign and making his business public, but what else can I do? He's such a sweet guy - wild at times, but sweet. He's quite possibly the worst liar in the world, so I know he's always telling the truth. People tell me to dump him and move on, but he doesn't deserve that. He doesn't deserve any of this. And neither does TwoFace.
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