My name is Shuoqi Huang. I am fundraising for my continuation of my university education. Please help me to get the money of my tuition and my living expenses. I would be extremely grateful for your help!
My name is Shuoqi Huang. I am fundraising for my continuation of my university education. I am an international student at Rutgers, New Brunswick Campus, and I am currently in my junior year. I have stayed in United States for two years, which are stressful because of the pandemic. My school changed to online format from March 2020, so there was no chance for me to make any friends here. In this case, I just locked myself in a room in my apartment and studied all the time. Because I did not get a driving license and the cost of taking Uber is always expensive, I did not have any entertainment. My life for these years was in darkness, but the broke of relationship with my parents became the final straw for me (I will then explain). I currently struggled and get an on-campus job, but the wage could not even cover my rent, so I decided to raise some money here for my future tuition and rents. I really hope to graduate in Rutgers and get a job in the future since this would give me some hope for my life. Please help me to get the money of my tuition and my living expenses. If there are any money left, I will give it back to this platform to help other people and donate to people in need as much as I could in the future. I would be extremely grateful for your help!
My experience is special and complicated especially my relationship between my parents. I hope to make up my broken memory here because this is my first time to speak about my story: My family abused me mentally and gave me a horrible childhood. While other children are playing, I have to go home and study all the time; while other children have their hobbies, my drawings are torn by my mom saying those things would only distract you; while other children’s family is about love, my daily life was surrounded by their violence and hatred towards each other. These childhood traumas and their control over me was so severe that I had major depressive disorder until now. I tried to solve all of these with them for almost three years, but no one wanted to understand me and respect my feelings. They kept their control on me and blamed on my feelings. With all the heartbreaks and hopelessness, I found my faith which became the only hope of my life. I still have major depressive disorder now, but I have no extra time and money to solve it. I just want to finish my education as soon as possible and live like other people. I do not want to take my parents’ money for two reasons. First, I know my parents’ money came from the corruption and bribery. I do not want to take those unclean money because those money violate my principle of morality. Second, by giving me money, they always coerce me morally and blame on my uselessness which made my depression severer. In this case, I want to be independent and take in charge of my own life.
Thinking about my childhood, extra-curricular classes that my parents signed for me come to my mind first. I forget how much classes were there, and everything I could remember is that I barely had any free time left. Even though I had classes at night on school days as well, weekends are way more stressful than school days. It was unrealistic to relax and play, just like normal kids. After these classes, my mom always curses me at home for my grade and forces me to study in front of my desk. Desperately and hopelessly, I wish I could go to sleep because my world would be relaxing only at that time. That was the only time I expected to come. Also, my mom wrote names of my best friends on the wall and strictly forbid me to play with them ever again since she was not satisfied with their grades which was really weird. I was very introvert and did not have many friends. There was another time when she gave me a bowl of milk and asked if I want to drink it. I said “No, thanks” since I was in severe allergy on milk, and she did not care about that. I saw her smashed the bowl on the ground, and her action and the big noise shocked me a lot. Moreover, my mom and dad always fight each other. They fought so hard in the room next to mine that it was almost like right in front of me. I knew exactly every time my dad smashed the door and my mom poured her violence on my dad. Once my mom was driving and had a fierce argument with my dad. Suddenly, my mom stopped the car in the middle of the road, jumped out of the car, and pulled my father out of the car like a maniac. It was evening, and they argued in the middle of the road. I feared the violence between them and the safety of all of us. Hopelessly, I sat in the car that parked in the middle of the road in the dark and begged them to calm down, but they cursed me. That darkness and hopelessness remained in me until now. One night, I knew that my dad is cheating on my mom and my mom got him arrested by the police. I saw my dad was on his knees by the force of my mom at night. I cried silently due to my sadness and pain in my heart. These kinds of things happened every day in my family. Depression and insecurity filled the whole life of my childhood.
I love drawing, especially in elementary school. I love drawing monsters at that time and cars in high school. However, I cannot persist especially when I was in high school. I kept thinking the reason and wanted to insist my hobby, and I started to realize the things that happened to me. When I was in elementary school, I was so zealous at drawing and drew a lot at school, even during the class. I either kept them in my backpack or in my pencil box. I save these drawings preciously. After mom got home one day, she searched every corner of my backpack and my pencil box. She found all the drawings I drew, tearing them into pieces and throwing them away, saying it is not good for my grade. Similar things happened after I went to junior high school. I saved my pocket money for car magazines. These car magazines were very important for me since these were the only way I could learn the news and details of the auto industry. Similarly, she took these magazines out of my room one day and put them at the door, wanted to throw them away in the same reason: that would distract your attention on study. Later in my senior high school, I wished I could be a car designer because I love drawing and cars so much. I searched about ways to become a car designer, but it has been denied by my parents in the reason of the lack of salary. After that, every time I showed them my drawings, they emphasized on the money. I give up on drawing and haven’t drawn for 2 years.
Right before I went to Rutgers University, my parents and I discussed about what major should I choose. They forced me to choose between economics major and computer science major. Any other thoughts were directly rejected by them without any space to discuss.
The first year I went to Rutgers University, the environment here refreshed my mind which gave me huge interests in learning new knowledge and brought me a lot of motivation on both of my studies and my life. Then, the pandemic happened. It was so inconvenient that it is almost impossible to go back to my home country, so I tried my best to connect with my parents online with my strong hope on remedying our relationship. However, they only told me that I must think them as kind and benevolent person, and there are so many parents that worse than them. They ignored my sincerity and just asked me to be grateful to them. Also, they always told me words such as “If you do not obey your parents, you will definitely have bad luck”, and they urge me to praise them all the time just because they gave me the tuition. When I told them my true feelings, they just responded that I must take care of them and must not run away from their control.
After numerous heartbreak I have been through, I cannot bear all of this anymore, so I am not going to take their money anymore. It makes me feel painful even thinking about these past and write it down. But I decided to do this because I want to pursue my freedom of life. I will be sincerely grateful for your support and help! Thank you for reading!
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