Hi! We are Thomas and Treva Guy. We’re Army veterans. My husband is an infantryman and I was an Arabic linguist. We now work on the civilian side of the house in security and counterterrorism. We married in December 2009, spent our honeymoon in Iraq, returned in early 2011, and immediately began trying for a baby.
In March 2011, we had our first positive test (yay!). We were both so excited, and naturally, within a week I’d ordered half of Amazon, had names picked out, and life plans for each gender (to include wedding in case it was a girl). Unfortunately, at the end of that month, I experienced intense cramping. My husband rushed me to the ER where we found out that we were dealing with an ectopic pregnancy. Being “me”, I refused to accept that diagnosis, and left the ER with intentions of getting a second and- if needed- a third opinion. But before I could be seen by my OBGYN, the pain intensified to the point that walking was difficult and back to the ER we went where the on call doctor was the same kind woman who we’d seen days prior. She understood my hesitation and walked us through the ultrasound and reason behind diagnosis. At that point we had a choice, induce miscarriage or chance my fallopian tube rupturing, which would also result in miscarriage and possibly worse. It felt like an impossible decision, but one that we had to make; we induced miscarriage. It was an utterly painful process, physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Over the next 4 years we continued trying, following every dietary, vitamin/supplement, and other suggestions, we conceived 5 times more, all ending in loss. After miscarrying in 2015, hubby and I made the decision to go to a fertility specialist to diagnose what was the issue. That is when we found out that hubby is in “working” order, but I have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). We were also told that we were lucky to have even conceived that many times. Wasn’t the best prognosis, but I began taking medicine to treat PCOS, and though I shamelessly begged, I wasn’t prescribed infertility drugs as ovulation wasn’t my issue. We kept trying and remained positive.
From our loss in early 2015 to the end of 2017, we continued actively trying and failed to conceive.
Throughout that time, I continued going through additional diagnosis processes and, after the last ectopic, underwent a fallopian tube recanalization (FTC).
Our priorities shifted in November of 2017 when my aunt passed away and we took guardianship of her 11 year old granddaughter. Hailey’s transition, mental, and emotional health became our focus. This young lady’s bravery and resilience was, to say the least, inspiring. In a relatively short period of time, she settled into a new environment, in a new state, and had made new friends. As she began to thrive, we started trying again, though we kept additional diagnostic processes and treatments on hold.
Fast forward to 2019. By this time, we had gone nearly 5 years without conceiving and, really, that was okay: a baby wasn’t in the cards but we were blessed with an incredible child and two awesome pups (ok, one awesome pup. The other is a mess but we love him all the same). Our family was complete and, after an emotional discussion, I stopped taking the supplements, powders, and constant tests for window of fertility.
Imagine our surprise in April 2019 when we found out that we were pregnant. Once more in 2019 we’d become pregnant. Both ending in loss. The toll that these miscarriages took on me emotionally and mentally is indescribable. Forgive my crudeness but my feelings at that point in time: 8 babies to date were dead because I failed.
After an unproductive period of self pity, I took inventory of the situation and my emotions.
I’ve lived a relatively exciting life and have accomplished many things of which I’m incredibly proud, but in all of that time, nothing has been more rewarding, educational, or life changing than the three years that I’ve raised Hailey. Finding out that pregnancy was still possible gave us hope and, after discussing with kiddo, we decided to try again.
A few months later, in December of 2020, we found out that we were roughly two months pregnant. This pregnancy also ended in miscarriage; however, using another form of testing (measuring PdG instead of bloodwork which can be misleading due to pulsing cycle), our OB identified that low progesterone levels were resulting in losses.
In January 2021, a decade and entirely too many miscarriages later, we received good news. A couple of great things happened, actually. We found out that a daily pill would enable me to carry to term in the future and Hailey asked us to legally adopt her to which we responded with a resounding yes punctuated by me ugly crying and slinging snot at the poor child as I shook my head yes.
We’re currently in the process of adoption and trying to conceive. Apparently 37 is “geriatric” (hurtful) and IVF has been identified as our best option with the average cycle to conception being three. Adoption fees (which includes the home study fee) are $7,970 and the three IVF cycles- not covered by insurance- (including everything from ultrasounds to embryo transfer) will be $43,350. In all, the total for both adoption and IVF cycles will be $51,320. While we have a chunk of this in savings, we’re reaching out to the community to help us close the gap ($27,120). We genuinely appreciate any help you can offer.
Thanks so much for reading!
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