Hope

From Florina Simona

"Some people aren't good at asking for help, because they are so used to being "the helper". Throughout their entire life they have experienced an unbalanced give and take so their instinct is usually "I'll figure it out

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"Some people aren't good at asking for help, because they are so used to being "the helper". Throughout their entire life they have experienced an unbalanced give and take so their instinct is usually "I'll figure it out on my own". The self reliance is all they've ever known". 

I am a good person... but life has changed me recently.. and I lost myself in this circle... and I don't recognize myself anymore.. and I'm trying so hard... I forget this for a while and then it starts again.. I have a full time job at company... I have been working there for almost 4 years... but in the last year, things have changed...they started to pay me at 2 or 3 month and in present days they didn't pay me since April... but I stayed because I hoped every month that things will change and also I had to have 5 years of experience in order to take an exam... because it is said we wouldn't have dreams that they were not given to us, for the purpose of accomplishing those dreams. I guess that was my dream.. but they postponed it due to corona...  4 years ago I made a 30 years credit to buy an apartment... and the monthly credit rate is a pain and so on... they all gathered and it's a tough period for me... and I kind of believe in karma, but to be honest I don't know what is my lesson here and I don't have the amount of energy for this anymore... Also, I have just discovered that I have not only a hard scoliosis, but a tumor as well on my column...  maybe karma will change. but I don't know.

I am also a spiritual person and to be honest I don't know what I expect of sharing my life to the whole world, full of strangers.... and I know that unfortunately everyone cares just for themselves and maybe in another world I did the same, since I live this now... The funny thing and the saddest in the same time, is that I don't mind not having something to eat... but I have a cat... and he ran out of sand as well, this is pathetic, I know and I am sorry. 

I know that we all have problems and all, but hope is my ultimate weapon... 

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