Help me rewrite me and my children's future!

Help me rewrite me and my children's future!

From Monke Saul

For me and my children. Funds will go towards a safe place and basic necessities for me and my children so that we can escape an abusive situation, until we can get on our feet and I can find employment.

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Hi, I'm a 44yo SAHM mother of 3 beautiful kids. Before I explain my story, I must first apologize for the anonymity. I'm currently in a situation that requires it, for the safety of me and my children. Anyhow, about two months or so ago, it was brought to my attention that I was and have been in a narcissistic abusive relationship, and one of the more dangerous types on top of that. I have since discovered that my husband and his parents are covert narcissists, and what makes it particularly dangerous about covert narcissistic abuse is that the abuse can go on for years and years, decades even, before the abused is even aware of the situation, as is the case in my situation. The abuse is subtle, confusing, and slowly chips away at your self-esteem and your sanity. With covert narcissism, it's done behind closed doors, which makes it even harder to detect, because you don't have the advantage of a third neutral party observer to spot the red flags that you are overlooking or bad behavior you're excusing because they're experts at making you believe it's your fault, while they play the perfect victim. All of these things and more, is why the abuser can get away with this for years, while wrecking so much havoc, leaving the abused not only a complete shell of their former self, but also with a lifetime of issues and needing years of therapy. 

Over 17 years and 3 kids later, I'm discovering not only the extremely abusive situation that me and my kids have been living in, but also the numerous negative effects this has had on our mental, emotional, and physical health (the stress of constantly walking on eggshells can cause so many stress related health issues). The toxic situation has greatly impacted my children, which unfortunately until I learned anything about narcissistic abuse, wasn't able to connect their various issues, including social, health, anxiety issues, etc., with anything. Me and the kids have all been diagnosed with various things such as ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, and Selective Mutism, which I found out that these things are often misdiagnosis given to abuse victims, due to the symptoms of abuse mirroring these disorders . The abuse has had so many different negative effects on us than I have discovered and are still discovering almost daily, that it would be too much to write here. Since my initial awareness of the situation I sought professional counseling, done endless amounts of research myself, and I have been journaling and documenting so many past and current things related to the abuse we've endured between my husband and his family and the various associated issues that have affected us. There has been so much now realized evidence of abuse that my notes can fill a really thick book, and I still continue to add to it daily.

Currently I am trying to carefully plan an escape for me and my three children to get us out of this abusive situation. Me and my kids have all the emotional support I could ever wish for through my family and my best friend, as well as mental health support through therapists and counselors, but sadly we lack the emotional support needed to start a new financially independent life for ourselves. Being a SAHM, I have financially depended on my husband for years. If it weren't for the financial abuse from my husband, I would get a job now, but I have to wait until we escape to find any employment. Because of how controlling him and his family are, and the simple fact that they live both next door, and some of his family lives with us, there is almost always someone close enough to either see or hear everything I do, so I'm very limited in what I can do without suspicions and questioning. We only have one car, so I constantly have to come up with a good enough excuse as to why I'm leaving the house. My goal is to move my children into a safe and loving environment as soon as possible!

I am, and will be forever grateful for whatever monetary donations are granted me to help fund me and my children's new journey in life! A journey to healing and repairing the wounds that this toxic relationship has left us with. Thank you in advance for helping provide an opportunity to rewrite our future, to one that is full of love and laughter as we heal from the scars of our hopefully soon-to-be past!

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