Help me recover from disaster

1-7 Upstate in PA, Frackville to be exact. Its been almost 3 years I've been out. Started cooking again, did everything I said I was going to when I got out. Last thing on the list was to get a house.

Was in the early stages of securing a mortgage through the VA when I came home from work one night and a tree fell on my car. 

I'd just gotten this car, my first one ever on my own credit. I'd been building it using things like kickoff and fingerhut on my phone. I was up for a promotion at work and things were finally going the way I'd wanted them to my entire life.

I was do close to being normal that I'd almost convinced myself and everyone around me that I was. Then I walked back outside on May 1st 2023 and saw a giant oak tree layed out across my little Toyota.

Everything came crashing back to reality and I knew then what I'd always known. There is no hope and there's no way out. 

Schizophrenia has taken ahold of me and no matter how much medication or therapy I undergo, there's no escape.

I thought I'd secured some sort of future for myself. I had insurance for this sort of this but never took into account that the car was only on its third payment. The insurance check coupled with the gap insurance from the lender covered the cost of the vehicle which was totalled. 

It's been almost three months the now, and after fighting with unemployment I've reached the end. The point in time I've always known would come could I not hold myself together and keep a job. 

It's 7 am and I haven't slept yet. I can hear the birds outside. It used to be something to look forward to. Now it's only a reminder that death is encroaching upon me and my family. I can't protect them anymore. Everything ends and we're getting closer everyday

Mentally ill felons have no place in this world. 

I may have made it out of the prison system but who's to say I wasn't just let out into a bigger one.