From a very young age I’ve Always felt like there was a disconnect between me and my classmates, at least from the boys. And I could never really figure out why primarily the boys in primary school frowned upon the introverted and sensitive way I acted and presented myself. I didn’t think much of it at the time and just blamed on my autism (i have Aspergers). I always behaved in a more introverted fashion because it felt like there was something wrong with me that made me insecure and very reserved, which I at the time just couldn’t put my finger on. As years started to pass by, at the age of 11, I found out about trans people. I was immediately intrigued and went and did some research on what it meant to be transgender, what theories there were about how it occurred, what the steps in transitioning were. The articles I found sadly were mostly not very “pro-trans”. So i kind of just shoved to the side, and wrote it off as some mental illness. As I was 11 at the time, and English wasn’t my native language, i wasn’t really able to distinguish good faith from bad faith, so that’s probably how I ended up in that mindset. 3 months later my life changed for the worse, puberty was was about to start, and I was completely oblivious to the signs of transness i showed. And so it began… Erections, Broader shoulders, the whole shebang. At this point my subconscious was starting to have a mind of it’s own. I started dreaming about “what my life would be like if i were a girl”. And as that “what if” turned into “I’m really curious what it would be like”, which turned into “Why am i not a girl?” I grew more uncomfortable with my body. When you think about it, it’s almost kind of scary how these feelings can start out in such small proportions, but can have such catastrophic consequences to one’s mental state when left ignored. 4 months short of turning 13, my dysphoria was in full force. I decided to do the most logical thing i could think of, and attempted to come out to my parents… That didn’t go very well… My mum was shocked, and my dad got emotional and just left the house as soon as I came out, this scared me so much i decided to just go retreat back into the closet and to not discuss the topic with my parents anymore. So i kept it to myself for another 3 years. My body was going through changes which caused me severe dysphoria, at some points in those 3 years i just couldn’t take it anymore. I attempted suicide 7 times because i was afraid of what my friends and family would think of me. When i was 15 i decided i had enough, i came out to my parents and insisted that this is what I wanted. Fast forward a couple years, and I’m fully presenting female in public, And both my parents are supportive of me now. The problem that I have however, is that in the Netherlands there is a really long waiting list for HRT (years), and a lot of gate-keeping. There is an alternative source where i can start HRT privately, which is one reason I am seeking funding.
I simply do not have the income to fund the HRT and surgery required to make my dreams come true. My parents wont support me financially either. This forces me to live in a body which just keeps changing for the worse, although puberty has done a lot of damage to my self image already, I feel the need to prevent it from getting even worse.
Funding will enable me to receive the HRT that I need and Breast Enlargement Surgery as it would most definitely have positive results on my personal view of my body.
My gender dysphoria is very real and debilitating. I am truly a girl in a boys body. Your help will enable me to fulfil my dreams and finally be happy within my body. I thank you in advance.
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