Praying... Trying to hold on to hope and faith, but if I’m completely honest with myself, I am not much of "hero" Daddy because I am scared of what's next, unless God provides a miracle... (What happened? Read below)
Praying, trying to hold on to hope and faith, but if I’m completely honest with myself, my hands are sweaty and my heart races a little bit faster, because I am scared of what happens next, unless God provides a miracle. My heart breaks each time I think about my little 6 year old boy, Josiah… Thank You so much Lord for my little boy is all I can say, as I think about his bright smiling face. He is such a blessing to me, so full of life and sees “Daddy” as his “hero” and his “best friend” as he so wrote on his green paint, hand-printed plate from art class that he decided to make for me. But how much of a “rock” and “hero” can I really be, if he only knew the truth about how scared his own Daddy is right now? I am so humbled to even be reaching out and writing something like this to share to the world, but when you’ve got no one else in your life to turn to and facing the reality of living & sleeping in the front seat of a 2004 Chevy Cavalier, with a loaf of bread and peanut butter & jelly to make sandwiches with for dinner and to take to work for lunch the next day, it becomes very real and humbling to reach out in faith and in hope that someone will grab hold of your hand and connect with you to help you up out of the deepest pit you've ever been in within your life.
My name is Richard, and I used to have a wonderful life, with a loving wife and family, and going to work each day, dressed up, feeling good about the direction that life was going in, and being blessed with the best salary I’d ever had. But then one day it all came crashing down, and a lot faster and with more force than I could have ever imagined. I will keep it short, but I was laid off from that job that I was so thankful to have had, because our private company was bought out by a global enterprise. Job cuts came, and I was one of the first of many to be laid off. I tried to keep my head up, thinking this would only be a temporary setback, but not long after being laid off, our lease for the house we were renting was coming up and my wife of 8 years decided the financial pressure was too much, and she decided to leave, taking my little boy with her.
I was alone, heart-broken, and becoming more depressed as each job application was turned down. I needed to keep moving forward in life despite all the heaviness in my heart and eventually found the job where I’m at currently, doing physical labor with a local furniture company, and even though it was far from my work experience, I wanted to be able to provide for my little Josiah and myself. The only family I had was an ex-sister in law and her live-in boyfriend, who asked if I wanted to rent a room in their house in order to save money, just until I got back on my feet, which I gratefully accepted, but now I really wish I hadn’t. I wish I could say that things turned around and these were the end of the trials, but sadly to get where I am now writing this to the world, one last thing had to happen.
I moved in, worked, came home, went and visited my little boy as often as possible, and wanted to remain very respectful so I kept to myself in my room. But one evening, after only being there for barely a couple of weeks, I came home from my Men’s Bible Study group, and walked into my room to find everything of value missing. I was in shock, and no sooner than I found it and turned around to ask what happened, I was assaulted by both my ex-sister in law and her boyfriend, both of whom were intoxicated and high. I struggled to get free, as both of my arms were restrained behind my back by her boyfriend, as I was hit, punched, and assaulted, and eventually I was able to fall down to the hallway floor and run outside to my car and lock the doors to safety. Of course, I called the police, but only one got arrested, and I couldn’t stay there after what just transpired, which meant trying to afford a hotel room for the night, with the limited income I had, but by the next day when I could go get all of my belongings out of the house, about 75% of my clothes had been ripped, destroyed, or were missing. Anything else of value was “missing”, and despite charges being filed, I was left again alone, with nowhere to go, no family to turn to, other than my mother who lives many states away, and very little money. I went to work the next day, and yes I was asked what happened to me, which I kept private but I did have to eventually share with my boss, and he was able to push through an “advance” on my paycheck in order for me to secure a very cheap motel room for a week, which I was thankful for as I was out of the cold and didn’t have to resort to living in my car. But of course when I got my paycheck this past Monday with that deduction out of it, I wasn’t left with a lot in my check at all, not even enough to secure another week in the motel, and certainly not enough to secure an apartment with deposits and rent due upfront.
So while I have asked for more hours at work, here is where this “hero” of a Daddy sits… Scared… Heart-broken… A couple days away from being homeless… Trying to hold on to hope… With tears slowly rolling down my cheek, as I wonder what exactly I am going to say to my little Josiah when he asks, “Daddy I’m so excited to see you and come stay with you soon! I’ve already made a list of all the things me and you are going to do together! When will I be able to come stay the weekend with you?”
So for not just my sake, but for my little boy’s sake, I am humbling myself to share my story with the world, desperately reaching out in hope and in faith, believing that somehow God will Provide and touch someone’s heart to help me be able to get back on my feet, where I can afford to pay the deposits and rent, to secure an apartment, and a home where I can hug my little boy and tell him to get that list ready because he gets to come stay with his Daddy.
Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to read this. And to anyone who is able to do anything to help in this deepest, hardest, most heart-wrenching time of need I’ve ever experienced in my life, thank you from the bottom of my heart! I pray God so blesses the seed that you decide to sow into my life and subsequently into the life of my little son, Josiah. Thank you all so much.
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