A Beautiful Life Lost

A Beautiful Life Lost

From Shaylene Osborn

I am raising money to help pay off a cremation bill for my late wife. If I raise enough to cover it and there is money left over the remainder will be donated to suicide awareness.

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This is what I have written on an album of photos and videos that I have on Facebook about Leah... this nightmare seems to never be over and as soon as I think I can go a few days where I can breath I get letters like this one reminding me that legal action will be taken on me if I do not pay by their deadline. I didn't ask for this debt, I didn't plan for this debt...no on ever does, but it happened and I was not and am still not in any position to satisfy their needs so I am turning to all of you for help. Please help in any way to lift this off of my shoulders... and please, take the time to read what I had written shortly after my wife's suicide. You may be that one person who can save another life...be that person, always be that person... thank you♡

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On Wednesday, November 8th 2017...as most of you know already my wife committed suicide. She left a will stating what she wanted done with her remains and her belongings. Leah did not wish to have a ceremony or a visitation, she wished to be cremated and simply wanted all of her friends and family to get together for food, drink and good times. So that is what her family is doing.

Leah wished for her passing to be made public on her facebook and her instagram so I am also honoring that wish as well. 

I'm sure every one of you knows at least one person personally suffering from depression or some other serious mental illness. Most people do not even consider mental illnesses to be a sickness because it is something that you can not see and it is not easily treated. But please, let my wife be proof that mental illnesses should be taken just as serious as a failing heart or broken leg. The mind takes time to heal, more time that any physical part of you and she had worked so hard...so damn hard to fix herself, but in the end it wasn't enough. This is the face of depression...the face of someone who would go out of their way for any other human being, even a complete stranger, the face of a truly beautiful soul. She was the most purest and honest person I had ever met in my life and I had the honor of calling her my wife. I watched her struggle every day with her sadness, some days were better than others, and then the others it was all i could do to get her out of bed. I just ask that if anyone of you is suffering, if anyone of you is hurting or knows someone that is...please talk to someone, never give up trying to get help and to find your happy... that was what I always told her "Baby, you just have to find your happy." Looking back it seems redundant now because I realize that her happy wasn't a book, or a song or a place or even a person (as happy as we all made her on the outside, you can't make a person stay happy on the inside when they're fighting the type of demons she was) to her happy was an unattainable dream that was always just out of reach no matter how hard she tried... I watched her exhaust herself trying everything she could to find her happy. From writing and producing her own songs, to painting, poi, singing, driving, hiking or just being outdoors in general... they were all just band-aids in the end. I can only hope that she is now finally at rest with her mind and that her demons have been eliminated. She deserves that in the least. 

I have gotten many MANY messages from so many people, most of whom I do not know personally, only know of because of my wife, or have no idea who you are in any sense...and most of you have sent nothing but kind words and best wishes and I thank you all for that and if I haven't gotten back to any of you I apologize profusely for such but mine and my sons lives have now been turned upside down and life got pretty messy and chaotic pretty quickly and unexpectedly and I swear to you that I am doing the best that I can. I am in no way making this about myself, trust me I am more than aware that this has everything to do with my wife...but this was my life that I had built with her. I may of only been in her life for 2 short years but those were the 2 best years of mine and my sons life and I was beside her every day of those 2 years holding her through every panic attack, through every bad though that crossed her mind,through everything so I am taking my right as her wife to take as much time as I needed before talking about what happened to everyone else out there. I promise you, I talked to everyone that she would of wanted me to, I told as much as she would of wanted me to and I did/am doing it as soon as I have been able to, so I would appreciate if the hateful messages ceased. I know we all cope in different ways, and anger is one of the steps but please do no direct it towards myself, my family (which includes hers as our families were each others)... we are all going through enough as is. 

As far as details of what happened, I'm going to be completely blunt with everyone and it does not matter. There is no reason for anyone to know outside of the very VERY select few that know now. I myself didn't even know until last night when everything was released to me. So just please respect Leah and both sides of her family enough to not ask, not spread rumors and even if you think you know, please keep it to yourself. I am by no means trying to be rude, but the method is nothing of importance. Leah deserves so SO much better than that. Please remember her for the happy, bubbly, adventurist, always making everyone else smile, giraffe kid, Junglebook, space cadet that she was. Where ever she is now, she is flying high into outer space...what she always dreamed of. If anyone has anymore questions please don't hesitate to ask me, I'm here to help anyone who needs it. We all lost an amazing woman to a tragic event, but we can only hope to take away the happy memories and many smiles and laughs that she gave us all... she was too busy making everyone else happy that she forgot about the most important person....herself. 

Leah Osborn,

I know we didn't always see eye to eye, but that's what a marriage is. It's ups and downs, good and bad, sleeping on opposite sides of the bed just to wake up in each others arms. The time you gave me I will forever be grateful for...when we first met you were at your lowest point that you had ever been...we talked about it all too often... You always said that you weren't good enough for me because of your past and your demons, but baby none of that mattered. Our souls recognized each other that first night in the brightest ball of light either of us had ever experienced before.... we were connected on a molecular level and nothing could change that. I've been trapped in my head ever since I got the call butchering myself internally asking myself why I didn't reply back sooner, why didn't I call in between runs...why this, why that, should of, could of, what if I had done this differently, would this of made a difference would this of... and after collecting myself and speaking with so many others who have the same thoughts it made me realize that there was nothing anyone could of done... you told me that you didn't do this to hurt me, and I believe you. You were always honest with me,always...even if you knew it would hurt me so I have no reason to stop believing you now. I knew how much you hurt and I saw the pain and it killed me not being able to take it all away, I gave you everything I had and did my best and in the end it wasn't enough...but I tried. You did hurt me, you left a gaping hole that I know will never be able to be filled again by anything...but I understand and I just pray that you are happy, where ever you are... happy and demon free. I can only hope that in your final moment that you knew how loved you were by all of these people. You meant SO much to so many and we are all going to miss you until our own last breaths. Earlier today I was talking about you and I got cold chills from my head to my toes and an overwhelming warmness at the same time and I knew it was you... it was so intense I almost fell to my knees with images of you in my mind. I have never experienced anything like that before but thank you... I felt close to you again, even if just for a few seconds... I got to feel your soul touch mine again. No matter where life takes me after this I will never ever forget you and how simply amazing you are. You were the strongest person I knew... I know you always said I was crazy and that that was me... but for you to have to go through everything you did and still be able to smile and have the ability to make others laugh so hard they peed themselves, YOU were the strong one baby girl. I just wish you believed it as much as I did. There is so much more that I want to say, and I will but it won't be on social media, it will be to your heart. Just know that my heart and soul will forever be yours no matter what and I love you more than you ever knew...so much more than this and I WILL see you again in our next life, wait for me baby, I will find you again....

If you knew Leah, you knew how big she was on perspective so I have to add on, try to live your life as she would, always say yes, always take the adventure on, look at EVERYTHING from every possible angle and perspective that you can. Three people can be looking at the same thing and all see something different. Take the time to talk to people and realize that in the end you have the same goals even if you have different ways of getting there. She viewed the world in such a different way that I did and she made me see how much more beautiful the world really was.Her and I had a thing we always said, that I domesticated a gypsy, but really in the end she gave my already free spirit the fairy wings it needed to fly.

Your Space Princess

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