In Jay's Words

On June 7, 1968, at a party in Pacific Palisades, a friend approached me with a young woman. He said, "Jay, this is Nancy, Nancy this is Jay. She wants to walk on the beach, and it's not safe at night. Go with her." Six hours later the sun came up; Nancy & I had walked the beach all night, fallen in "thunderbolt" love, and were married May 1, 1970.

Our early years were characterized by financial struggle, finding professional paths, and stumbling along without a relationship guide. There were arguments, but our feelings of love were constant. We excelled in our chosen fields, grew together, translated our feelings of love into loving behaviors, and all but one of the arguments disappeared.

Today, Jay & Nancy – or "Jancy" as friends refer to us - argue about only one thing – who married up. But really, there is no basis to the argument; the facts reveal that Nancy married up ["just kidding"].

I came to Nancy "humpty-dumpty" broken, but her compassion, gentleness, presence, patience, and unconditional love put me back together again.

She opens my heart with her quiet thoughtfulness, modesty & passion, courage & directness, and devotion & consistency. She is relentless in seeing the best in me, the best in you, the best in each situation, and in practicing a graciousness & generosity that seem beyond my reach. She always thinks of others first.

On Nancy's birthday (12/20/11) her surgeon told us her diagnosis of Stage IV cancer. I said to her, "I'm right here; I love you; you are not alone." Her response was, "I know, but I'm afraid you will be." A couple of weeks later we met with the oncologist who communicated Nancy's poor prognosis: 4-6 months at the worst and 10-12 months at the best. Again Nancy's concern for others was primary as she said to me, "This isn't fair – to you or to my sister." To now find herself in a position where she needs help is both foreign and unsettling.

All I can say with certainty is that Nancy loves me deeply and allows me to love her – unconditionally & unwaveringly; she opens me and softens me; she heals me; she laughs with me, and helps me laugh at myself. She brings tenderness, joy, love, light, gentleness, depth, and humility to my life. She is my greatest blessing, my thunderbolt love, my lifetime love, my eternal love, and confirms for me daily that I married up. Thank you Nancy for being the perfect partner with whom to co-journey through life, one day at a time,time.

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